Natalie
And Nat — two very different sisters who come together each week to reframe problems big and small with you, our dear Reframeables.

Rebecca
And why do we call you such a term of endearment?

Natalie
Because we are all in the process of reframing and being reframed.

Rebecca
This week we are doing a new series. Reframing in Seven Minutes it’s called, Nat.

Natalie
This is for all of our listeners who are, you know, short on time — and who isn’t? Time can be a real constraint, so we want to be able to do some of our reframing practice, but on the quick.

Rebecca
What we’re going to do is just do a check-in on our monthly October challenge.

Natalie
Exactly, because reframing doesn’t have to be actually, like, attacking a problem and then now fixing it. That would actually kind of be the opposite of what we say reframing is. It’s supposed to be about points of connection, and then working through to the other side of something. But that may take some time, and we only have seven minutes, Bec, so we’re barely going to begin.

Rebecca
Ok, but first we have some love to show.

Natalie
Yes, absolutely — and that love is for a friend of ours who we’ve made in this podcasting world. Her name is Pam Uzzell. Her podcast is called Art Heals All Wounds, and we’ll be playing her trailer at the end of this episode just to give you a taste of what she’s all about. Each week she interviews an artist and talks about their work because she believes that as creative thinkers, artists present us with some of the most compelling visions of ways that our world could work better for everyone — and that’s a vision that Reframeables can get behind. So check her out.

Rebecca
So, October check-in. I have my hand up — you would only know that if you watched the YouTube version of this. How’s it going for you, Not — and what was your challenge again?

Natalie
Ok, so to remind those who maybe heard it before, my plan had been to not say sorry.

Rebecca
For all of October.

Natalie
For all of October. And I can hear Coco feeling sad, and I want to say sorry to her for feeling sad while we’re in the midst of recording, but I’m not.

Rebecca
Really, is that actually your impulse when you hear her?

Natalie
Yeah.

Rebecca
You want to say, “Oh, sorry Coco.”

Natalie
“Sorry, Coco.” Yeah, totally. That’s what I would do.

Rebecca
That would be so wrong for your challenge.

Natalie
Well, it would be so natural because it’s definitely practiced language that I go to — like body memory stuff. It’s like a filler. When Frankie tells stories as we’re going on a walk as a family in the evening, we’ve noticed that he’s trying to get to his next thought, he has a filler word, and it’s ‘basically.’ So every time he’s trying to fill in the next detail to whatever sort of, like, monster story he’s telling us, it’s constantly, “And basically…” and then he’ll go on and say it. “And basically…” And I realized that my ‘basically’ is ‘sorry.’ And I know some people will be like, “Oh, that’s just very Canadian.” No, this is different than that.

Rebecca
But even if it is very Canadian, maybe it’s worth examining.

Natalie
Right, exactly.

Rebecca
Because we have a troubled Canadian psyche.

Natalie
Yeah, there’s lots of trouble here. Oh my gosh. We have lots to work on.

Rebecca
I’m calling you troubled, Nat.

Natalie
I am troubled. Well, I definitely am troubled enough by the ‘sorry,’ by the inclination to saying sorry, that I decided for October that I was going to really work to interrupt that. And I’m four days in, and I would say that I am on a good path forward here. I think that my sorries have been limited.

Rebecca
And have you been thoughtfully remembering that you’re doing this, or it’s just deep in you now — how are you remembering?

Natalie
I want to say that I’m thoughtfully remembering. But actually, I just think I’ve had a good few days. And this conversation is helping me to remind myself going forward that I need to be really cognizant of it. Not to over-comment on the word, but I do think that that is part of the reframing practice for me — is talking to you, to a friend, to mom. Whatever it is to remind myself of what I need to stay aware of or what I’m working through. And that’s what’s helping me right now. How about you?

Rebecca
Sorry, that was just making me think of… I listened to some CEO of some fancy corporation, and he was saying that all through his whole university career, he had sticky notes reminding him what his goals were. He just put them everywhere to keep him focused on his goal. They were very large goals of, you know, owning this by whatever age. But it was all about the sticky notes and the reminders.

Natalie
I remember when Clifford and I moved into our condo, back when we had it. The person who was living there also had many sticky notes, like plastered all the way throughout the home. And it was like, “I am beautiful. I am worth it.” And you know what? Obviously, she really had set a serious kind of self-care intention with those sticky notes, and maybe they were working for her, so I don’t know.

Rebecca
But they were there for while they were selling the condo, and those sticky notes were present for everybody?

Natalie
Yes.

Rebecca
That’s hilarious — that no one thought to take them down, because aren’t you supposed to make a neutral…

Natalie
Space?

Rebecca
Yeah. That someone could be like, “This could be mine.”

Natalie
Yup, nope.

Rebecca
You’re having to work past those sticky notes. But yes, kudos to her.

Natalie
I walked into her meditation gallery.

Rebecca
Talk about voyeurism. Ok, mine was no complaining. This is so hard, and I can admit that I haven’t even been that conscious of this. I mean, I sort of remembered I’m doing this challenge, but I need a lot more sticky notes. So number one, more sticky notes — or we need daily check-ins. That’s something we could consider. But I’m not doing well, because this morning Simon came. I was sitting in here reading this great article on Sandra Cisneros, the poet.

Natalie
I love her.

Rebecca
And I was, like, deeply absorbed. It was an interview, and I was really into her thoughts and how she thinks about everything was so interesting. And then Simon was like, “Can you drive me downtown?”

Natalie
What?

Rebecca
I know.

Natalie
Ok. That’s like a big ask.

Rebecca
It was shocking. And I freaked out, kind of. I kind of jumped up — “What? Where do you need to go? Why now? We have no gas. I’m about to do something. I have to go put a bra on. I’m not even…” Like, all of these things. And he’s like, “Whoa, ok, you can’t.” And then I said, “No, of course I can drive you somewhere — not downtown.” But it was very complain-y, or something — complaint-adjacent, anyway.

Natalie
Ok, I’m not hearing complain-y. I can let you go with ‘complaint adjacent,’ but I think your response felt very fair, because that is honestly quite a big ask at the last minute. But ok, that’s good that you were able to regroup — both of you.

Rebecca
Yeah, although I think maybe the ‘no complaining,’ really the root of what I want is to exist a little more calmly.

Natalie
Oh, ok.

Rebecca
Honestly, I think it’s boring saying that, because I feel like I’m always trying to say that — “I want to be calmer.” Like it’s never going to happen.

Natalie
No, don’t say that. I mean, the fact that you are channelling that — if that’s what you want, then it will. I mean, the fact that you regrouped is a really big deal. Like, if you actually did get in the car, if the bra got on…

Rebecca
I don’t know if I put a bra on. I think I walked straight to the car, and I just sat there grumpy, and I was like, “Are you coming?” And then I said, “Now we’re going to lose our parking spot.” And I even thought to myself, “I’m not going to say that one out loud. I’m not going to say the thing about the parking spot. I’m going to bite my tongue there.” And then I said it.

Natalie
Oh, no, ok. Ok, so you know what?

Rebecca
That was complaining. That was the full-on complaint. “We’re going to lose our parking spot.”

Natalie
Ok, so it’s October 4th, and you’re starting over.

Rebecca
I’m starting fresh.

Natalie
That’s fine. That’s good.

Rebecca
Ten sticky notes around the house to remind myself — and actually, you know what? I think that’s going to be a nice example for the girls.

Natalie
I like that.

Rebecca
That I am working on something.

Natalie
And I think I’m doing the same — not with the sticky notes per se, but by modelling not saying sorry, because Frankie definitely has that bent. He could go quickly to ‘sorry’ as a filler, and I don’t want that for him. So I need to work on it with him — like, to be explicit about it. So I don’t know if that means drawing on his chalkboard, “No sorry,” instead of the sticky note, but something of that ilk. Ok, that was seven minutes, Bec — that was a seven minute check-in.

Rebecca
Ok, thanks for the check-in.

Natalie
Bye.

Rebecca
Hey Reframables: a little housekeeping. Don’t forget to rate, review, or subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts if you like what we’re doing here on Reframables. Your feedback really supports this reframing project of ours. Also, please sign up for our weekly newsletter, which comes with a free delicious recipe from Nat. Check us out over on Patreon too, where we do mini-episodes which we call Life Hacks and Enhancers — our five best things in a week. On Patreon, you can become a monthly donor for as little as $2 a month, or you could even tip us on our new Ko-fi account. Lastly, tell us what you like and what you want to hear more of. We love feedback and getting to know you, our listeners. All the links are in our show notes. Love, Reframeables.