Rebecca
Hey Nat.

Nat
Hey Bec.

Rebecca
You look cozy.

Nat
I am, I’m sitting under your blanket.

Rebecca
Fur.

Nat
I like it.

Rebecca
How are you?

Nat
Rebecca, today I cried. A lot. In front of all of my students.

Rebecca
Do you not cry a lot? I mean that’s not a regular thing for you?

Nat
I mean, I get teary. Because I really feel with them. But today was like, full on –

Rebecca
You just wept?

Nat
There was weeping. I had, because it was a story that I teach and I know myself and I think I recognize that that story always brings me to tears, but – I actually had a couple students ready, in both classes, to pick up if I couldn’t keep reading. So they were like, ready to go. But I actually had a boy – I’m not kidding, he’s 6’3” and 18 – we’re not talking about a little kid. He came in after class – he was in another class when I was doing this – and I was like, “Oh man, you missed it. You missed me sobbing.” And he was like, “Why were you crying miss?” And I explained it’s about a story. And he’s like, “Man, I should’ve been in here – I needed a good cry today.”

Rebecca
Aww!

Nat
Isn’t that amazing? I mean, we think that our kids aren’t in touch with their feelings. They’re all up in their feelings. It’s a whole thing. It was amazing.

Rebecca
That’s so great. What story was it?

Nat
It’s called Iron Head, by Amy Bender.

Rebecca
If I go and read that story, will I cry? No – I know that story.

Nat
You might cry. I think you don’t need to read it. I needed obviously to just read it with my students.

Rebecca
Is someone made of iron? The husband?

Nat
No, it’s the son. With a head made of an iron – like what you iron clothes with.

Rebecca
Oh, I know that story. Ok.

Nat
It’s a very good story, lovely. You know what, teenagers get into it. I think that they like the easy access to emotion that doesn’t feel directed immediately at them.

Rebecca
Does the kid get more iron parts throughout the story?
Nat
No – you know what, you should write that story! That’s a story for you to write.

Rebecca
That’s a different story? Ok.

Nat
But even I came into the library and two of my colleagues were like, “Mm hmm, I’ve taught that story.” So everybody knows –

Rebecca
When they see the weeping woman…?

Nat
When they see the weeping Natalie, “What’s going on?”

Rebecca
Someone’s been teaching Iron Head?

Nat
Someone’s been teaching Iron Head. So I pulled that story into the school like 10, 15 years ago – whenever I was last department head – and it’s stayed there in the recesses of our book room. People only pull it out when they’re around me.

Rebecca
Really?

Nat
I don’t know, it makes me laugh. It’s probably not quite like that. I have no idea. Anyways. There was a lot of crying.

Rebecca
I didn’t cry – I spent the day at the hospital because Violet had a checkup. But it wasn’t cathartic in the way that yours sounds like. It was just long, and good. I mean, good that her heart is stable. You know? Oh my gosh, I just feel –

Nat
Spent?

Rebecca
In like a dirty way.

Nat
Like you need a shower?

Rebecca
I can’t explain it. Not because I feel full of germs, I just feel emotionally raw, but not in that really satisfying way of watching something or reading something.

Nat
Right, like what Mohammed wanted, he said, “I want this…”

Rebecca
Yeah, it wasn’t that, it was more like this tense. I always get really tense and…

Nat
Like you’ve been clenching your fists for a long time?

Rebecca
Yeah, like I’m clenching every part of my body. Because I always want to be really positive for her. But I end up really clenching, and – anyway. So I don’t feel as satisfied as you right now.

Nat
But I’m not sure I’m saying satisfied, per se, but I’m a touch spent. The emotions are very much – I’m done. I’m done with the crying.

Rebecca
Which is why you said when you came in here, “I can do this. In ten minutes, we can chat, and get on our merry way.”

Nat
I’ve been talking for five hours, oh my gosh. Anyways, all these no prep days are a lot, but that’s not compared to your a lot today. That’s a lot.

Rebecca
We can both have a lot, but just different a lot.

Nat
Different a lot. Ok. Well, look at you – reframing, from the get-go.

Rebecca
You’re welcome, you taught me well. So today, our goal was to make this shorter and sweeter. Because we know you all, our listeners, have stuff you’re trying to get done in the holidays.

Nat
Yeah, it’s a season. Whether people celebrate these holidays or not, definitely people are a part of them. Right? It’s part of the everyday calendar of December. And I think that there is something to potentially reframe in that. To reframe holiday as… well, how do we reframe gift in this holiday season? That was something I’ve been thinking about, and maybe a gift we could give to our listeners would be to make a shorter episode. So that they could, you know, get to their tasks, and then come back, wanting more.

Rebecca
We will try.

Nat
That’ll be a goal.

Rebecca
Although as soon as you say gift, you know what comes to mind? Reframing gift? Have I mentioned this on the podcast? I hope I’m not repeating this story, but do you remember the yellow vase?

Nat
I remember this definitively, and I do think you’ve maybe mentioned it, but you know what? For the new listeners, maybe you should just quickly…

Rebecca
There’s a prize if you can go back. Somebody email me if you can find where I mentioned this already, the yellow vase that haunts me. The Christmas I got mad at Simon because he got me a yellow vase from Ikea and I didn’t think it was good enough. Oh! I’m so ashamed. But you know, I didn’t think, what I also remembered – it could have been that same Christmas, or maybe a Christmas later, his mom bought me a bowl with popcorn to pop, and I also hated on that gift. I’m also ashamed of that.

Nat
Bec, shame, that’s big. You need to Brené Brown yourself out of that word.

Rebecca
Is shame too strong? I feel…

Nat
Regret, a little bit, or whatever?

Rebecca
Maybe none of those things, I just look back, and I think I’m a different person now, and I can certainly appreciate the yellow vase, which we still have. And I can appreciate now the sentiment, or what his mom was thinking. She knew I liked popcorn, and it was kind of an offering. It was something. But at the time, I was like – that’s not a very fancy gift. For me, spending a lot was showing that you have value.

Nat
Well, you were young, I mean what else are you supposed to…

Rebecca
Is that a very young way to look at it?

Nat
I think so, yeah.

Rebecca
Because Elsie, she would like something expensive for Christmas. A phone, by the way.

Nat
That’s not on me.

Rebecca
I’m going to let that shame part of it go, but just say that I –

Nat
And even regret, I wish I hadn’t said that word because I don’t think that’s what it is. I think you hit on it there. You’re a different person.

Rebecca
So now I think I can say, those were beautiful gestures. But anyway, what did you want to talk about?

Nat
Well, I mean you’re kind of doing it. I guess I wanted to reframe even just what we mean by the notion of gift in a season that is seemingly so dominated by the gift-giving experience. In my great love of philosophy, I have studied this one philosopher Emmanuel Levinas who talked about the notion of gift a lot. He was talking about it as there being power in the receiving as much as in the giving. In the context of education, obviously that really means something, because if we’re saying that there’s power in the receiver to choose whether to accept that gift or not – in education, if the teacher is giving the gift of education for example, of teaching, of learning to the student – the student has some power to decide if she’s going to receive that learning.

Rebecca
Right, remember I was telling you about that George Saunders, that teacher / writer? When he teaches, he thinks a great teaching mantra is, “Is this helping?” Is this helping. So the receiver gets to decide if that’s helping. I really think that’s really empowering and beautiful.

Nat
I think that’s very powerful, yeah, totally. In this season of giving, if we’re calling it that, can we reframe how this gift exchange that we do with people we love – and sometimes not even people we love, right – just colleagues, whatever it is. People that we care about –

Rebecca
Are we doing a gift exchange at school?

Nat
I don’t know, maybe. I have no idea. I’m not there yet. But the idea of –

Rebecca
Keep going. Sorry, I just wondered who I’m giving gifts to that I don’t even know.

Nat
No, I don’t know yet. I have no idea. But it could happen. The people in my school are a very giving people. So it could all of a sudden be a thing that I have to participate in, because I struggle with that. But is there something inherently mutual that even demands the giving up of control? Of a reframing of gift, what would that look like? What would that look like for us, to actually give up control in the gift-giving?

Rebecca
Hmm. Stumped. Say a little bit more about that. As in, I give and receive more lightly? I’m coming at it with no expectations? Is that what you’re thinking?

Nat
Yes. I think so, very much. Because even just sending gifts to our now teenage nephews in England, I felt really vulnerable doing it. I’m WhatsApping my brother-in-law, going, “Oh my gosh, this is really scary to send these gifts to the boys now,” because it used to just be toys. It was so easy, because who doesn’t love a toy. But they’re now 12 and 14 or whatever it is, so I’m just not knowing how it’s going to be received. I want to be this cool aunt. That’s what I want to remain in their eyes, the cool aunt.

Rebecca
So you’d like to be able to control how it’s received, but you must relinquish that because you’re not there, and even if you were there, you can’t control it?

Nat
That’s what my brother-in-law said to me when he was texting, he was like, “Yeah, it’s a minefield.” So if he’s experiencing that with his own kids, of course I’m going to experience something of that ilk as the aunt from afar. So I was thinking of this, I’m needing to reframe the reception of my gifts and it not being about my ego. There is some desire to please the person you’re give it to, but there’s also the feeling in yourself, of “I’ve done a good job with this gift.” Isn’t there? Or is that just me?

Rebecca
Yeah, for sure, that we want to do a good job. I have felt that. It’s interesting because I have this impulse to send cards to people this year, even to some of my mom friends, or relatives I haven’t reached out to in years. I kind of want to reach out, but I also have the feeling of, “Oh, I don’t know how it would be received.” The slight feeling of it’s requiring a lot back from them, or it becomes now this onerous exchange.

Nat
So you just feel wary?

Rebecca
I don’t know, like will they not receive it with the beauty that I intended? You know what I mean?

Nat
Right!

Rebecca
Because you can’t control it. So I don’t know what to do with that then. Because sometimes the tendency then is to retreat, and to think I’m going to wrap that bubble around myself so I don’t feel vulnerable.

Nat
Well there you go, I was just saying that it felt vulnerable to send this stuff to these boys, so I hear that in that.

Rebecca
But I think it’s always better to step into the vulnerability, right? Brené Brown would tell me that, would she not? You just listened to something with her.

Nat
Yeah. I think I would say that she would say that.

Rebecca
Go towards it.

Nat
But at the same time, I think – I’m not going to try and quote her, I only listened to her once –

Rebecca
Breast stroke towards the vulnerability.

Nat
Is that what it is?

Rebecca
No.

Nat
But I do think that, like – Bec, have you ever had to reframe a literal gift in real time, on the spot, and have you done so effectively?

Rebecca
What do you mean? As in like, I hate this, I’m going to get my head around it on the spot?

Nat
Uh-huh. Right there. Snapping for impact. Because I certainly have. As a teacher, I’m given things the odd time, so I can definitely say that some of the candles I have been given by students are not the candles I would have chosen for myself. But I immediately reframe them as beautiful because they’re coming from a student to me. There’s such a gift in that giving, that it’s less about the object and more about the act. So I can say that I’ve had that, very much.

Rebecca
Oh, I’m sure I have, I’m sure on the spot when that popcorn bowl was given to me, I would’ve reframed externally.

Nat
Right, but I think I’m talking about the internal stuff. Because I think that’s where Emmanuel Levinas would go with this idea of gift.

Rebecca
Right, where you reframe it, and it actually now becomes something – you really quickly see the beauty of it, or the intention.

Nat
Yeah, and you are also able to reframe the power. That mutual exchange piece I think is where I’m striving in my mind to go. So I’m just curious if you… and you may not have, you may have done it and not known it…

Rebecca
Wrap me around that one more time?

Nat
For me, I’m trying to reframe the power dynamic of the giving and receiving. I think in striving to make something more mutual, then I’m wondering if part of that comes from reframing the gift in real time? And I don’t know, I don’t know if that’s just me in my own head. It could be that you come back to this in the next podcast and go, I’ve had some time to think about that.

Rebecca
I’m not sure.

Nat
That’s fair.

Rebecca
I mean, the power dynamic is really interesting with gifts because I can hold it back or I can… like, if I don’t give a gift, then I’m still holding the power.

Nat
I would say that.

Rebecca
But when I do give it –
Nat
You’re relinquishing some power.

Rebecca
This is very interesting. I guess that’s true with kids too. As soon as I give anything in the world, then I’m now in the state of vulnerability. Wow. You and I really have to talk this out. This is a doozy, ok?

Nat
So much for the short and sweet, people. I’m so fascinated by watching you consider this.

Rebecca
Does it seem easy for you, to just like think this out? It’s challenging, right?

Nat
Oh, it’s 100% challenging.

Rebecca
What does Clifford say?

Nat
Oh, I mean, he’s really into the philosophy stuff. You know what, for him, it would be a lot about the idea of a gift of time. I said to him once, “Can the gift of time be, like, gift wrapped? In that wrapping something signifies it as a gift. I think I’ve talked about this before, but he talks about marriage is being made up of plumbing and flowers, and how the plumbing is what sustains the marriage, but the flowers are these fun moments in time. But he would say that both are gift. And so the gift of getting up before me to make the coffee because I’m the one that’s going to be leaving soon for the day, because he’s working from home – that is a gift that doesn’t get gift wrapped per se, but it’s definitely a gift of his time for me. To me. So, I mean, for him, that would be a really big deal. And there is much vulnerability in that giving because the doing of the coffee, it’s such a small act, so it could be missed. Does that make sense? Like so often, it could be missed. And so I think it’s sort of like: I’m going to give the gift. And either the coffee is hot or not. But I’m going to give it.

Rebecca
And it’s received with gratitude, or it’s not, or –

Nat
Or missed, but I’m going to give it tomorrow.

Rebecca
I love that idea of the little flowers. I think that’s what I’m really craving this season. It’s important that you say that because I’m trying to find a way to remember to see the flowers. Because I’m really feeling this time passing, even when we were putting up the Christmas tree. Having moments of, “I see this moment. This is a beautiful moment.” When we were putting up our tree, there was all kinds of moments happening there. There was fatigue, the kids were not happy, Violet was like: she wasn’t getting enough ornaments to put up because Elsie was going to fast. It was full of a lot, but at the same time there was really beautiful parts of it. I had this kind of running train in my head of, “How do I be in this moment? How do I celebrate, how do I not miss this moment? How do you hold these beautiful moments, the coffee moments?” Because I’m also sick of stuff. There’s kind of a mixture, of wanting stuff but wanting to get rid of the stuff, and this need to move things forward in the season. Like what do I need to get done, versus how do I be in the moments of when we are having a together moment. I mean, it’s really just the precious stuff, right? Maybe you can sum that up nicely. I just don’t want to miss stuff, I want to really feel each moment. And it’s so challenging.

Nat
I think it’s super challenging. To sum it up, I guess I would say that I’m looking for my teachers in different places. You know how you’ve talked about much of your learning and mentorship coming through books. I am experiencing a lot of gift. Like moments, what you’re talking about there – the flowers in life right now, in really unexpected spaces that I’m just sort of surprised. When I told you guys that my car broke, I ended up having three very early mornings driving in with Tamara, one of our best friends. And to have those three mornings was such a gift that I didn’t anticipate as gift. It was a gift that she was giving me a ride in. That’s a gift. But it was the laughter! I said to her today, I’ve had two days now driving in in my new car, and it’s amazing and lovely, but I get to work not as early. I’m on time, but I haven’t laughed on my way in.

Rebecca
I know that's the weird part of life. That weird inconvenience of your car breaking down –

Nat
Gave me the space with my friend.

Rebecca
And maybe the thing with the tree decorating. I wonder if I was trying to create that moment into being something, when actually the moments I’ve really enjoyed in the last while have been quite banal and nothing, or just little odd moments with Violet or Elsie. I’m craving every moment where Elsie really smiles and laughs with me, because she’s also got that sullen teenager thing going. So you have to cap any moment where you can just grab it, where her emotions are stable. Just grab them together. And I don’t know if that was the tree – that wasn’t the moment. But finding or seeing and being in those moments when they happen. So maybe we don’t know when the flowers are going to happen.

Nat
You know, that’s so true. And it is also interesting that the tree – I wonder if one could press rewind on that moment, if you could have actually received the gift of doing the tree, yourself, as gift. Imagine if you didn’t have to monitor or manage any of those feelings. And you could have just been like, I’m going to decorate this tree and enjoy putting on the Vince Guaraldi Trio. You know?

Rebecca
You mean even with all the little attention surrounding it?

Nat
Or they’re just not even there. But I mean more just the idea of it turning into like, a different type of moment. And recognizing the beauty in that moment. That could be a gift. Maybe that’s the gift we’re gonna give ourselves here.

Rebecca
Is alone time. Is that what you were going to say?

Nat
No, but it could be. I think what I’m trying to think for myself is I go into each moment with less expectation. I go back to your line of expectation. I’m going to, in this season, strive to have fewer expectations of events or even people, and just receive as much as I can with open hands.

Rebecca
Whatever it is.

Nat
Yeah! And, and just see. See if, in that kind of rather vulnerable state of being, where one is just sort of walking around open. I receive something kind of new or different.

Rebecca
Nat, you know what you sound like?

Nat
What?

Rebecca
A fucking meditator. You’re just going to receive, and I’m going to receive along with you. I like that. Might not be the perfect tree. Hang it. What do you call that, anyway? When you decorate the tree? Doesn’t it have a name?

Nat
Oh, I don’t know. Probably. Tree?

Rebecca
Trimming! Ok, we gotta cut this off, because we’re trying to go short and sweet.

Nat
Right, and aren’t you talking to a friend?

Rebecca
Yes, I’m talking to a friend after this about how she’s reframed gift giving. My friend Maran.

Nat
Oh, well that’s amazing. Well so, go enjoy that.

Rebecca
Two more holiday episodes coming up, by the way, listeners. Natalie’s got ideas. My brain is weak right now, so I’m just going along with her ideas. Ok, I love you.

Nat
I love you.

Rebecca
Hey Maran.

Maran
Hello.

Rebecca
I’m here with my good friend Maran Stern. But we wanted to talk to you too, because you have really reframed the idea of gift giving with this advent calendar you’ve create. You have a whole business around this innovative advent calendar. Do you want to speak to that?

Maran
For sure. So my business is called My Kindness Calendar. It started with a different approach to an advent calendar. Five years ago now – holy moly – because Zola was three at the time, and in our house come December, you know, kids talk a lot about getting, like, that’s so natural, and that’s so developmentally appropriate, right? Their words revolve around them, and getting things is exciting. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, you know, for a parent who is aiming to provide a broader world perspective, it can be triggering sometimes for parents, right? To hear so much, “I want I want I want,” that kind of dialogue that comes from kids.

Rebecca
And what do you mean by triggering? Because I agree, but can you say more about that?

Maran
Well, I think, you know, we all want our kids to be kind, we all want our kids to share, we all want our kids to understand that, you know, there are things that are important other than them. When we hear things come from our kids mouths like “give me,” or “I want,” it can be upsetting, because that’s not truly the values we want to instill.

Rebecca
Right, so we wonder what kind of kids we’re creating.

Maran
Yes, exactly. And then worry and get caught in our own stuff without remembering that that’s actually like what a kid should be doing, right? That makes total sense. In their mind, that’s what they should be doing. But in any case, we were approaching Christmas, and had a new baby in this house. So you know, there was a lot of stuff coming in, and gifts coming and people coming, to focus on Zola’s little brother at the time. So I just really wanted to introduce a bit of the concept of giving as much as the whole getting principle, come Christmas. And we thought of doing that through an advent calendar. Instead of counting down to Christmas by an act of getting every single day, with a toy or chocolate or whatnot, I thought, well, let’s use this as an opportunity to focus on giving every day just to kind of introduce that principle in an age-appropriate way, and then be able to celebrate all the great work we’ve done at the end with Christmas, which is a giant act of – for many homes, not all, but for many people – a big act of getting our kids a lot of stuff, spoiling them, having a lot of fun. So for me, it wasn’t so much reframing as it was rebalancing. Because I do love gift giving, I get so much joy out of giving people things and treating people specially and really finding that special thing that’s going to evoke joy in our kids, or in your friend or whomever. I love that, so I don’t want to take that away. But I do want to balance that out with something else that’s important, which is giving back as well. And teach kids that it’s also a gift to give to others. You get that same – well not same – but you get an equal satisfaction from doing something for others as you can by getting something for yourself. So it’s been an interesting experiment in terms of entrepreneurship. But it’s just been a lovely little tradition in our house to always have a reference point and have this annual tradition, where you know, the kids know that for a month, for 25 days, we’re going to do little things that make little differences, that combined –

Rebecca
So you put these little stickers, these reusable stickers that you can put whichever act of kindness you want to do that day.

Maran
Exactly. Yes, I forgot that there’s other people listening, not just you and me talking who know exactly what it is. Yeah, it’s a wall decal. It’s like a tree, and there’s 25 numbers on the wall. Every day that kids get to pick an act of kindness that they want to do, or come up with their own, put their little reusable decal, and bring it out again, year over year. And what was really important to me – because I have done a lot of work with kids in terms of action planning, and leadership and social justice programs and that kind of thing – but just this idea that the kids are accountable and the kids are the ones coming up with the ideas themselves, which gives that much more ownership over the idea and creates that much more pride. Because if it’s just the parents saying, “Ok, it’s Monday the first, you wash the dishes. It’s Tuesday the second, you walk the dog, it’s Wednesday the third, you read to your brother,” – that’s just another parent telling a child something else, which is just us exerting power as opposed to us inviting them to have their own independent ideas and, you know, take ownership over the experience. So it’s been super cool to see how the kids want to do something different every day, what they choose that is appealing, what is not appealing, and just giving them that element of choice. And that element of power.

Rebecca
Is there an unpopular one from the calendar, that your kids don’t want to do?

Maran
Well now, in my house it’s ridiculous, because we’ve been doing this for five years. And obviously my basement is like my little storage zone. Sothere's got to be a hundred different Act of Kindness decals up on the wall, it’s overwhelming. Zola went crazy. She’s like, “Let’s put more. Let’s put more!”

Rebecca
So you have like a wall of kindness calendars?

Maran
Yes, we have a wall up. And what do they not want to do? I mean, they’ve been doing it for a long time, so they know exactly what to expect. And I have put out some new decals you can add on every year, so Zola’s actually very excited to see there was some she’s never done before. I think more in terms of what they do deviate to: there’s one that says make cookies for neighbors, they love to do that because kids love cookies. So that makes sense. Because also love sharing. So that’s nice. And there’s one that’s put a surprise under somebody’s pillow, that one kids seem to love. And I like that too, because it’s kind of mysterious, and sort of cheeky, and leaves a lot of room for creativity. So that was a super cute one. Yeah, I think kids like that one a lot.

Rebecca
And I like your one about supporting the arts.

Maran
Yes. Very important. Actually, this week, I’m doing an Instagram Live on Thursday about support the arts. I don’t know when the podcast will come out.

Rebecca
I saw that. So you’re doing a concert?

Maran
Yes. Well, my friend Jen Neals, she runs Little Rebels Music and Development, they do kid’s music classes. She has some amazing teachers and people in her mix. So they’re going to do a little bit of a live performance, which is fun. Supporting the arts, it’s important now more than ever, right, after COVID. So yeah, just helping kids reframe what the holidays mean, and that it’s broader than just the one day of Christmas, that there’s lots of opportunities to think about others. And for me as a parent, just having a touch point, to have those important conversations – not en masse, but just a little tidbit of knowledge every day, about how you can make a difference, or why something is important, has been really helpful especially at this busy time of year. Because there’s so many priorities, it’s so easy to get overwhelmed, it’s been very helpful for me to have a visual marker and a visual reminder, a tool to use to make sure that that dialogue happens in December as well. You know, for me, it’s the long game. They’re five and eight right now. Whether it makes a difference this year, or it has the past few years, if we’re talking about this year over year over year, then hopefully by the time that they're independent – oh my god, god forbid! – but you know, it’s a foundational thing that they’ll remember. And that’ll hopefully play as a little bit of a narrative in their minds. We’re trying.

Rebecca
I love that idea that, little bit, little bit, little bit – we shape each other. Little bits at a time. Maybe just to close, Nat and I were trying to keep it short for the holidays, because we know everyone is busy and trying to fit in lots of things. But what have you learned about yourself? Kind of in the spirit of learning along with our kids, has making these calendars changed how you give and receive gifts?

Maran
That’s a great question. I’ve learned a lot by myself, but in different facets. I’ve learned a lot about myself starting a business, but that’s a whole other conversation. I’ve learned a lot about myself as parent – and I kind of touched on this before, for me, routine is important, but it’s often hard to execute. So this has really helped me, I need a list or I need a visual marker or I need something to kind of ground me in the things I want to treat as priorities. So this has been really helpful, because it kind of holds me accountable to something that I think is important to do with my children. So I’ve learned that about myself as a parent. In terms of how do I give or how I receive –

Rebecca
Does it change, even for yourself, a physical object is not as important as a –

Maran
Has it changed? You know, I don’t think it has changed, I think it has reaffirmed. This is going to sound cheesy, but it is true: the simple act of doing an act of kindness for somebody else makes you feel really, really good. Because, as I asked my kids to do this, I’ll kind of do it quietly myself in the background as well. And December nuts, December is hard. When you’re getting ready for the holidays, it’s very complicated. COVID makes it extra complicated. Plus school, plus running a business. It’s a tricky month. And so obviously there are tricky days. And on days that are the trickiest, I usually hold myself accountable to doing an act of kindness for somebody else, and it guaranteed makes me feel better and it guaranteed makes my days better. So it’s been a helpful reminder.

Rebecca
Doing the act for someone else makes your day better. That seems worth repeating.

Maran
Well, that’s the whole point, right? To learn that you have the power to create your own happiness, and one way to do that is by thinking about others, and not just thinking but taking action for others, and spreading joy. I know that, I knew that, and I get reminded of it when I need it most! So I think it’s been a reaffirming of that. But no, it has not reaffirmed that things are better than gifts. Because again, I love gift giving. I think that’s important too. And I think it’s totally okay. Gift giving is one of the love languages, right? If you follow that whole love language thing.

Rebecca
It is for me. This is so funny actually, because Simon and I have struggled over the years because it’s so important for me, and in his family gift giving is not a love language. So I’ve forced him to adapt to my love language!

Maran
Well, that’s good, that’s compromise. That’s what a healthy relationship should do! But yeah, just to reaffirm, it’s very powerful, it’s really important. There’s nothing wrong with that. Different people hold that to different degrees of importance. I love giving gifts, I really do. And experience.

Rebecca
Well, that’s very fun. Thanks for sharing about your calendar, I will post about where you could get it in the show notes. And I would encourage listeners to support this really innovative advent calendar. I think a really interesting and thoughtful way to be progressing through the season, that is focusing on something outside oneself, we all get very obsessed with ourselves, me included – in how I am doing in the world. To be teaching our kids, teaching ourselves, to be looking outward. So thanks for that. Thanks for your business. Thanks for this beautiful thing you’re putting into the world.

Maran
My pleasure.

Rebecca
Talk more later!

Maran
Sounds good!