Clifford
Valentine’s Day… Valentine’s Day I think has been a good way for teenagers, probably, to connect.

Natalie
Mm… and what’s romance for us? Coffee in bed in the morning.

Clifford
Coffee in bed in the morning.

Natalie
That’s like the ultimate moment.

Clifford
Maybe, like, making toast.

Natalie
Carbs.

Hey Reframeables, it’s Nat.

Rebecca
And Bec — two very different sisters who come together each week to reframe some of life’s big and small problems. We’re moms, writers.

Natalie
We have soft boundaries. We see the world differently, but we both lean into vulnerability together and with our guests because we like deep dives. So come with us — let’s reframe something.

Rebecca
Today we are reframing Valentine’s Day.

Natalie
Some people love it, some folks hate it — we’re not opposed to it, but are definitely here for a new perspective on it!

Rebecca
So here we go, short and sweet (because maybe you have chocolate to eat): reframing Valentine’s Day.

Natalie
Okay, so I actually don’t think we’re alone in this reframing venture of Valentine’s Day. Because in that very sort of capitalist way of the world here, companies are reframing the holiday as, like, a gimmick. Okay, so everybody’s sort of promoting this self-love thing — for example, the company that I bought my bathing suit from, Left on Friday, their ad today sent to my email was, “You can buy yourself flowers and Left on Friday this Valentine’s Day.” So, like, they’re leaning into that new Miley Cyrus song, changing up what love looks like, on this day of love by buying yourself something fun.

Rebecca
And I’m sorry, I don’t know the new Miley Cyrus song.

Natalie
Okay, I’ll play you the TikTok viral sound after.

Rebecca
Okay.

Natalie
“You can buy yourself flowers…” It goes like that. That’s all it is.

Rebecca
I’m really glad that Elsie doesn’t listen to this, because she would be ashamed of me right now. She would be scowling. But yeah, the happy love day… I think we saw one of our friends on Instagram posted about that, as if it’s like, the known way to do this holiday. That’s what I felt like — I was like, “Oh, maybe the world has reframed Valentine’s Day.”

Natalie
Mm-hmm — like not just for capitalist gain, but actually for good.

Rebecca
Maybe. She quoted Sophie Strands, who is a writer who focuses on the intersection of spirituality, storytelling, and ecology. And there was this great quote: “Love must be commodified and defined and contained, because it is dangerous. A real holiday devoted to love doesn’t inspire you to buy more objects, it inspires you to throw them down and run to the hills and commune with a lover that is bigger than a human being, bigger than a single self.”

Natalie
It’s beautiful, actually, because it’s like Strand is taking this holiday even beyond self-love, because she’s reframing it as freedom. The quote actually ends with her saying, “Real love shows people that more pleasure, more freedom, more miracles are possible than the dominant culture has neural-pruned us to expect.” “Neural-pruned us,” I think that’s such an interesting phrase. This quote is from her piece called The Myth of St. Valentine. What do you think of that? Like, I’m into reframing Valentine’s Day into not just being about, like, love day — but bigger, like freedom.

Rebecca
Can you imagine if I was like, “I don’t like that. That doesn’t sound right.” Could anyone say that? I mean, yeah.

Natalie
Oh, I could picture some people not being into it. I think a lot of folks don’t mind just getting chocolate.

Rebecca
Someone would say, “Why complicate things?”

Natalie
Yeah, totally. But we’re into complicated.

Rebecca
And questioning everything.

Natalie
Yeah, I think that’s important.

Rebecca
Well, today I talked to Simon on the phone — like, when we’re each travelling, we just get into… we don’t have any sort of conversation, we’re just like kind of…

Natalie
Check-ins.

Rebecca
Check-ins about, you know, whatever the kids need. And I didn’t say, “Happy Valentine’s Day,” that’s for damn sure. Neither did he.

Natalie
Which I think is completely appropriate. I don’t know. I think it’s kind of funny. Clifford talked off the top of the episode, right, so you all now know that Clifford’s not feeling Valentine’s Day in any big way, because he thinks that romance should just sort of be ongoing. So if we’re attaching it to romance, that’s not happening in our house. And actually, I feel no qualms about this being reframed as sort of like love day in whatever that love and however that love sort of presents, because he’s at home right now with our kid feeding him food and Tylenol because Frankie’s not feeling super, and I like that the love that’s being celebrated is not romantic. I love that it’s parental. I think that that’s super. I love that the love I’m getting to celebrate is actually sister love. I don’t care if this sounds mushy, but I like celebrating this day just getting to hang out with you, being tired after a lot of really great meetings because we’ve exercised our brains.

Rebecca
Oh Nat, that is very mushy.

Natalie
I know — I’m okay with it.

Rebecca
It’s nice. Great, we’re having, like, a sisterly love day. Also leaning into freedom.

Natalie
Freedom!

Rebecca
Okay, I should say, you know someone who does love Valentine’s Day, and it’s on her list of favourite holidays of the year.

Natalie
What? Who?

Rebecca
Is Violet.

Natalie
Oh, really?

Rebecca
She was so sweet — Simon took a picture of her making Valentines for the class. The picture was her holding a glue gun, and she glue gunned chocolates onto everyone’s card. She did one for everyone in the class, and drew them all an individualized drawing.

Natalie
Oh, like appropriate to them?

Rebecca
Yeah.

Natalie
Oh, come on, that’s so sweet.

Rebecca
I know. But yeah, okay, when I asked her to talk about — “Say something about Valentine’s Day, Violet,” this is what she had to say.

Go, bub.

Simon
Go where?

Violet
Daddy feels very sad and unaccomplished. And he just works all day. And he just can’t find happiness on Valentine’s Day. It just makes him so sad. And he’s just really gloomy. And mommy gets him some chocolates and daddy just gives them back.

Rebecca
He gives them back?

Violet
Yeah.

Rebecca
I don’t even know what to make of it. My weird family. It’s very not sentimental at all, when in fact she’s super sentimental. So she would probably hate us unpacking Valentine’s Day. Gloomy, unaccomplished Simon, giving chocolates back to himself. I don’t know where she thought of all this, but to me, it’s just…

Natalie
Beautiful?

Rebecca
Oh, it’s beautiful and just irreverent.

Natalie
Freedom! Okay, and maybe not so completely contradistinction, now, are we going to play this really great little clip from our friend?

Marjorie
Valentine’s Day. What day is it? Another day that ends in Y. If Valentine’s Day falls on a weekend, I do what I would usually do. I go out with friends, I go to see shows, I go listen to music, I have dinner with friends, or maybe I’ll do something special, but it’s because that special thing is being offered to me. If it’s a weekday, I go to work, I come home, I make dinner, I go to bed. If I was coupled with someone, we talk to each other during the day, as we always do on any other day. And we may go out together, but we often include friends because I’m dating somebody who is social and likes to hang out with people. Valentine’s Day isn’t a bad thing. It’s just a thing that doesn’t really matter and doesn’t really add up to what kind of love we should be putting out in the world for others. I don’t hate Valentine’s Day, but I also don’t really observe it or love Valentine’s Day. I love myself every day. I love every other person every day. I eat chocolate every day. I buy myself flowers, if I see something that I like. It’s not Valentine’s Day that defines how I feel about somebody or what I would do for myself or for somebody else. I hope that your Valentine’s Day this year is whatever you want it to be. Whether you’re coupled, whether you do a special romantic dinner, whether you stay at home and eat popcorn, whether you go out with friends and enjoy, do whatever you’d like, because I particularly am going to be doing what I like, and I’m going to be somewhere else in this country enjoying strangers that I’ve never met on another day that ends in Y.

Natalie
Okay, so what did you think of that? That’s a day that ends in y.

Rebecca
I love it. It’s just… simple. My one friend, I was asking her if she’d like to say something about Valentine’s Day, and she said, “Well, why would I say something about nothing?” I love that — just like, “Yeah, why does it have to be anything at all?” I mean, you can take it as far as, like, liberation.

Natalie
Right.

Rebecca
Love is liberation, or you can…

Natalie
Shrug.

Rebecca
Shrug and say, “This is not even worth my energy to dissect.” That’s another option. So I’m into that, too.

Natalie
Okay.

Rebecca
Just being, “It’s a day that ends in Y.”

Natalie
Love on any other day is still love. So it’s like, “Freedom!,” or nothing.

Rebecca
Nothing — which is kind of what you would have thought, if you heard Simon and I, was morning. Simon, I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day — or not.

Natalie
Or whatever. Happy Valentine’s Day, Bec — or not. No, actually, I’m sentimental like Violet, so I’m into it. Thanks for hanging out with me on Valentine’s Day.

Rebecca
You’re welcome, although I kind of liked it because I thought you were gonna hold that position, Nat.

Natalie
No.

Rebecca
Or nothing.

Natalie
Nope. Not going to.

Rebecca
You have to lean into the sentimentality. Okay, you lean into the sentimentality probably as a way of being, and I lean into the nothing.

Natalie
No, I don’t actually agree. That’s not you at all. You’re the person that got your daughters photo books for Christmas and went through all your pictures, and I don’t even actually know where any of my kid pictures are. So don’t even.

Rebecca
You’re going to argue with me here. I am not sentimental. You think I am?

Natalie
Oh, yeah. Just differently.

Rebecca
Oh, you are here to challenge me, Nat. Fine. I love you.

Natalie
Embrace the love, Bec.

Rebecca
Hey Reframeables: a little housekeeping. Don’t forget to rate, review, or subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts if you like what we’re doing here on Reframeables. Your feedback really supports this reframing project of ours. Also, please sign up for our weekly newsletter, which comes with a free delicious recipe from Nat. Check us out over on Patreon too, where we do mini-episodes which we call Life Hacks and Enhancers — our five best things in a week. On Patreon, you can become a monthly donor for as little as $2 a month, or you could even tip us on our new Ko-fi account. Lastly, tell us what you like and what you want to hear more of. We love feedback and getting to know you, our listeners. All the links are in our show notes. Love, Reframeables.